So don't you bring me down today.

Now and then, I get insecure from all the pain,

 I'm so ashamed.

Everyday is so wonderful.

Forever united here somehow..

I guess this means you're sorry
You're standing at my door
Guess this means you take back
All you said before
Maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye
Maybe I was wrong for trying to pick a fight
I know that I've got issues
But you're pretty messed up too.

Being with you is so dysfunctional
I really shouldn't miss you.

Smile though your heart is aching 

Smile even though it's breaking. 

When there are clouds in the sky 

you'll get by. 

If you smile through your pain and sorrow 

Smile and maybe tomorrow 

You'll see the sun come shining through 

For you. 

Light up your face with gladness, 

Hide every trace of sadness. 

Although a tear may be ever so near 

That's the time you must keep on trying 

Smile, what's the use of crying. 

You'll find that life is still worthwhile- 

If you just smile.

There's a light in the darkness of everybody's life.

Nobody told me the road would be easy....

....but I don't believe he's brought me this far to leave me.

We shine brighter than the stars together.

I'm in a Dream Awake.

Was I asleep the first time we embraced?

So tell me...

...have we been here before?

I know I've been lost in your smile many times,

but not this way before.

Saw you alone in the shade of the night, 
A distant reflection I caught in my eye 

Love doesn't run away
People do.

Since you went away,

All I do is cry.

Sometimes,
I'm afraid I'm only writing this book
to give my characters the happy ending I never got.

I don't want to be the same as everyone else.
it's not so much that I want to be different, I want to be better.
And that makes me ashamed.

One less bell to answer...

The heart of worship is surrender.
Worship is not just music,
not just church or bible reading or prayer.
Worship is everything you do
that brings glory to God.
It is what you have been created for,
and it brings God pleasure.

Worship is a lifestyle.

A chair is still a chair....

...even if there is no one sitting there.

[...bittersweet.]

I wish I spent more than a third of my life sleeping. 

Sleep is the only time you have full control

and imagination without logic and laws

and boundaries.

--Marianne Williamson

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

never

let go of someone you can't go a day without thinking about.

Bittersweet.

Rest In Peace Grandpa.

Although I never got meet you, please know I loved you

and I'm sorry that I never took the opportunity   to come see you 

especially when my father begged me to,  EVERY summer.

How I wish I would've just taken that week off work, and flown to Jamaica...Fuck.

Here come the tears again...I know you'll never see this, but I have to put it somewhere...say it somewhere.

It 's so strange though, everytime I leave for school someone I care about dies..why is this you think?

I swear,  if this shit happens again  this year in September, I'm turning right around, 

because I would LOVE to be with your son and grandson right now as they mourn

but I can't , because as you died, I was on a plane to Alberta, my fucking luck right?

God, how my dad needs me right now...what the hell am I doing here?

Speaking of God, I'm not mad at you, don't worry.

I'm just sad that I can't be with them. That  this is how the peices have all fallen.

I know he will never hear me say any of this Lord, but I pray that  somehow impressed upon him that I loved him and planned to see him, I just can't believe that I'm too late.

And I'll never get another opportunity to.

Well, if this is how you'll have it Lord than so be it.

can't turn back the clock, but I wish I could.

Or I wish you would.

Dear God, how am I supposed to move on from this?

How am I supposed to be strong, or keep a happy face?

I'll try Lord, but i'ma need your help....I don't want to break down in front of my friends. 

Another thing lord, PLEASE strengthen my father right now..he 's new to this.

Please soften his heart, and allow him to lean on you.

Please, the devil is going to try to separate you two now Lord

and he's come SO far since his baptism...PLEASE  impress it upon, and keep reminding him that you love him and want to comfort him in his time of need.

Please...for me...since I can't do it myself  right now...

Amen.

I love you Grandpa, I'll see you one day.

Even though I never really let go, and our memories always tend to come rushing back,

I'm happy. And nobody can change that.

"I feel horrible, because as much as you love me, compliment me, and make me feel beautiful, I'll never feel the same way that you feel about me".
--Hardtimes bud, sorry.

You are worth the fight,

but I can't fight forever.

I hate being the oldest. I have to do everything first, without any reference.
 I can't stumble, make my own mistakes, or be the crazy person that I am,
because I have everybody looking up to me.
And I wish with all my heart that they will never be like me.

YOU DON'T REALLY LOVE ME

YOU DON'T REALLY NEED ME

YOU DON'T REALLY WANT ME

YOU DON'T CARE A THING ABOUT ME

you just keep me hanging on

s3t m3 fr33

You claim you still care for me

but your heart and soul needs to be free.

Now that you've got your freedom

you wanna still hold on to me?

You don't want me for yourself

So let me find somebody else!

I'll stand by you

won't let nobody hurt you, I'll stand by you.
Take me in into your darkest hour
and I'll never desert you, I'll stand by you.

so let this fire consume my life.

The Father's ♥

Thank you, Lord, hallelujah
You've been so good to me
Thank you, Lord, hallelujah
I'm grateful for my blessings
I'm grateful for my struggles
Trials and tribulations I've been through
I've realized no one can love like You do
Thank you, Lord, hallelujah

I feel your presence near
Thank you, Lord, hallelujah
I won't hold back my tears
I gave you my trust
And you took me out of the dark rain
My Lord I survived it
I give You the praise
Lord, You've been so good
You've been so good to me
I'm so grateful for my blessings
Givin You all the praise

Jesus loves me, oh yes He does
For the Bible tells me so

Amen.